“Has it ever occurred to you that nothing occurs to God.” -Adrian Rogers

It was 7 years ago… 

The beginning of the end. 

To most looking at this picture we seemed like that fun couple, madly in love, living their best lives- and we were, until we weren’t.

It’s funny what a smile can hide. 

We were two shells of a human in this picture. Both of us shattered into a million little pieces. Lost and searching for hope. 

We knew that deep down, there had to be more than this.

Little did we know what God was about to do.

Years later, we realize now, it was one of the most imperative, yet precious and distraught places we have ever been.

Little did we know that we had to come to this place of desperation to feel hope again.

The day this picture was taken, we enjoyed our last meal together and I dropped him off on a little hill in Woodbury, TN at a place called S2L Recovery, not knowing if I’d ever see him again. 

I was done-not because I wanted to be, but because my heart couldn’t take anymore. 

I couldn’t sit back and watch someone destroy themselves any longer.

Thank God, he was done. He was weary as he walked into the abyss of unknown, ready for freedom and healing. 

I was proud of him for saying yes to help, but reluctant to the reality of it.  

As we hugged goodbye that day, he whispered in my ear, “I love you.” And my reply was, “No, you don’t, you can’t. You don’t even love yourself.” I had a lot of that to learn for myself too.

I drove seven hours back with a tear stained face to our life, without him. 

And that’s where both of our journeys to healing began…

Two days later I hopped on a plane to a foreign country where I could process it all. A trip that was supposed to be ours.

John called to wish me a happy 30th birthday while I was over there.

There was a “light” on. Something was different.

God began doing a new thing in us and through us.

From there, John never stopped striving. For us, the growing or the shedding. 

Pictures pop up this time of year, every year, since then. 

So many feelings rush back. Heartache for then and hope for whatever may come.

Gratitude at its highest. 

It seems like an eternity ago to think about that day and that season and how heart wrenching it was for the both of us. 

The sleepless nights. The tears. The heart ache. The arguments. The fight to hang on and the fight to let go. 

But, Looking back I also see the glimpses of hope, the breakthrough, the yes I want help, and seeing God in the midst of it all. Closer than we had ever felt. 

I saw the miracles and John’s fire that became contagious for the world to see. 

Ironically, John’s fire set me on fire too. God used the rule breaker to set the rule follower and the church girl on fire.

God used John.

God used John to help heal years of pain for me from the very same things that John had struggled with in my own family.

God used John to change generations.

You see, that’s what God does. That’s how He works.

People aren’t always ready to read the Bible or read about the miracles, but they are ready to see them.

It gave us both a desire for this world and the people in it.

Not the perfect people who act like they have it all together, but the ones who hunger for that hard fought hallelujah after tasting hell. 

It made us believe in miracles, Because we had seen them. 

It helped us to know that breakthrough and freedom are possible, because we’ve experienced it. 

It helped us to give up everything we had ever known for Christ because, He is worth it. 

You see, I knew there was something special in John despite the battle he had been fighting. 

There is special in all of us. 

And if we are being real, there are battles in all of us too.

I celebrate these milestones because it reminds me just how good God is. 

It keeps me humble remembering where we came from. 

It brings humility to keep my nose down instead of up so I can see just who God puts in my path to help that may be going through the same thing. 

I learned through all of this to meet people where they are. To crawl down into the hole and sit. Who are we to judge another’s life when we have NO idea where God is taking them and what He is doing. 

Fast forward seven years- 

Today, he is director of admissions at the place that I dropped him off seven years ago. He’s a deacon in our church. He’s a radiant leader. He just finished his first year of his bachelors in ministry leadership. He’s a good daddy and a wonderful husband. 

But most importantly… 

He loves Jesus above all. He’s free. He’s a warrior on the front lines. A speaker of truth. He’s bold for what’s righteous. Even when all of this isn’t easy, it doesn’t stop him. He’ll go to the ends of the earth for you because he knows the pain of that cliff. 

I know your story may not be our story. I work with people every day that don’t have the restoration story that we do and that’s ok because YOUR story matters no matter what it is.

So, wherever you are that seems hopeless. 

It’s not… 

Adrian rogers said, “Has it ever occurred to you that nothing occurs to God.” 

God is writing a chapter of your book that without that very chapter, none of YOUR book would make sense. 

God is God of the impossible. 

We know one day, after this life between two gardens is over, there will be no more chains and no more pain. 

But, for the right here and right now, I’m forever grateful that we shed what didn’t have to be and fought that hard fought hallelujah until we get to run into the arms of Jesus. 

It’s never too late for shedding or for healing.