“Look around, these are the things you prayed for.”

I walked through the kitchen and saw my fridge covered in artwork and magnetic blocks scattered all over the floor today. It stopped me in my tracks. Another snow globe kind of moment as it caught me off guard when the realization came rushing in- this is what you prayed for. 

I heard a little boys voice echo through the house as his imagination soars and a newborn as he cries out for his most comfortable place, it’s me, his mom…

To be honest some days, this life still doesn’t seem real. Somedays, I feel as if I’m caring for someone else’s children because month after month and year after year, I let the lies settle deep inside of me, telling me I’d never carry a child or hold one of my own. 

Somedays, what does seem real are the messes, the lack of sleep, the sickness, and the intense mom guilt that no one can fully prepare you for. 

But, God meets me in these moments as if time stops and I look around in front of me, and think, these are the days I prayed for.

These are the days I cried out for and pleaded for. 

And they are precious. 

He made these boys for me?? Somedays, I think God lost His marbles choosing me to raise  these two precious humans! 

Somedays, like today, God grabs me in His great big daddy hug and whispers in my ear that this life is real and that I was worth it all along. That this is the “but a vapor” that I get to pour my heart and soul into. I’m beginning to trust and see that His plan is and always was, perfect. 

-These are the moments where God meets me in the sickness holding an achy baby where I’m the only one who can ease the pain. 

-God meets me in the messes where I’m reminded that I am grateful to be cleaning up toys that I never thought would be from a floor that seemed empty for far too many years. 

-God meets me in the quiet room at church where I miss service as I  nurse my infant, knowing that God comes to sit with both of us in that quiet and sometimes lonely space.

-God meets me in the abundance of laundered little onesies that I longed to fold.

-God meets me when I hear my son say, “mommy, lus you so lots! Hope you don’t get poop on you!” 

God meets me… 

 

You see, I cherish the quiet seconds to gather thoughts, when I spent so many years into my adulthood with all the time in the world for the quiet thoughts. I sometimes miss it to be completely honest, but I’ve learned in motherhood that intimacy with God looks a little different and I wouldn’t change it for a thing in the world. It’s being intentional and prioritizing. God is refining me in that. 

In my human perfectionism, I want to have this perfect intimate time with God and my Bible and highlighter. No interruptions. But that’s not God’s perfectionism for me. His is better.

I believe His is the beauty of finding Him anywhere and everywhere and no where we thought we ever would. In the wee hours of the morning or the stillness of the night. In the mundane and in the chaos. In the abundant and in the scarce. In the joy and in aches. In the growth and in the stillness. It’s finding Him in the most in-opportune, because if we are being honest, that’s real life. 

So for whatever these snow globe moments are worth… I’m forever grateful. The irony of it all, after thirteen years of waiting, I can look around and feel as if the preciousness of life has always been this way 🩷