Pregnancy and Labor are a part of life that are so utterly indescribable. To grow a human being inside of you, to manifest a literal organ to keep them nourished, then to birth them with a strength that no woman knows she has until her body overcomes it- steals every descriptive word from my heart. No matter how your birth story happens- it’s life changing and it’s a part of the chapters of our books that will live on forever.

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This is Jasper’s birth story.

The birth of our son was the most incredibly beautiful experience of our existence. We chose to have an unmedicated birth. One that we knew would be hard, but worth it. It’s what we desired, but fear was something that I truly had to face, knowing that God equipped my body for that very moment. That decision definitely came with doubts, wondering if I was strong enough to endure it. I knew my body would be pushed far beyond anything it had ever experienced before. So John and I prepared, educated ourselves, and fought to have the birth that both of our hearts desired, and we got more. It wasn’t just me in this, it was us.

The experience is one that I’m still processing quite honestly. There are so many moments that I don’t remember simply because my head and body were in another world. When the waves picked up quickly and the contractions ripped through every muscle in my body. I tried to quit and pleaded for intervention, but the team that surrounded me, kept me fighting for the very wishes of my heart. I remember looking at John saying, “I can’t do this anymore!” But a little whisper inside Kept me going knowing that I would meet our rainbow baby on the other side of the temporary discomfort. A roar came from within me that I didn’t know my body or my voice had. My doula met me eye to eye and assured me that God had made my body exactly for this, and said “Just one more wave.” So we did just that- one more, and then another and another…

I learned how powerful the mind was that day and also the strength of surrender. That what we think about and believe is exactly what direction we will go in.

{When doubt would set in my mind, so would the actions of labor in my body.}

{When strength would set in my mind, so would the progression of labor in my body.}

I learned that you can do anything for 60 seconds. And I learned and trusted God with the very body that He gave to me and the strength that was His and not mine. That’s what kept me going.

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I’ve spent a lifetime struggling with the underestimation of my inner strength. I think we all do and I think we always will to a degree. Something that day changed in me. I know that no matter what- when I’m not strong enough- He is. Something I used to say in lip service and convincing myself of, I now believe with my whole heart because I saw His strength overcome every fiber of my being.

I had prayed for this journey since the beginning and one of my greatest desires was to emerge with God to a new place. There would be moments I knew that He would have to carry me, and did He ever. I wanted to discover a strength in the unbearable and know and trust, more than ever, that no matter what, GOD WILL ALWAYS SUSTAIN and EQUIP.

The Holy Spirit was in that room. Strong and evident. Stories that were only God emerged. Things that didn’t make sense, did. Points when I was ready to give up in transition, my body progressed abnormally and supernaturally. I dozed through one minute breaks in order to give me strength for the next. I couldn’t have done it alone, and I look back and fully know, that I wasn’t.

We had prayer through it all. And not just shallow prayer, A deep and pleading prayer. Prayer from the ones with us and prayers from ones near and far. Hearing the ones who experienced the room that day sends goosebumps down my spine. My husband prayed fervently over me watching his wife endure a pain that he couldn’t take away but wanted to. And when he wasn’t doing that, He stayed in my ear, he held me up when all my body could do was tremble, and encouraged me and cheered me on. Our doula- she’s another God send and prayer warrior. Words cannot even describe the impact that she had on our day and the way that God worked in and through her in mighty ways. She encouraged, she offered wisdom and a sound mind, she knew exactly where to go for next steps, she helped my body to progress in incredible ways and she fought for us. We could never fully show our gratitude for her and the impact she had on one of the best days of our lives. If anyone is contemplating natural labor, this will be one of the best decisions you will make. 

At last- after 9 hours of laboring, John gloved up and stepped into the doctors place to pull his son into the world. As John placed our rainbow baby on my chest, I cried out 9 months of fear, 9 hours of relief, and a lifetime of the deepest desire of my heart that now lay in my arms. I felt so tired but powerful. Raw yet relieved. A moment I thought I would never meet.

We had seen Jasper on ultrasound more than most, we had heard his mighty heartbeat more times than we can count, and the pregnancy had been amazing, but it still didn’t seem real until that moment happened.

Our dark haired, wide eyed, crying little miracle was here. The aftermath was wrapped with the euphoria that set in, and the memory of the pain disappeared. His big, wondrous eyes stared up at me as his voice made its stamp on this world. My voice spoke, and he quieted. The miracle of a child and meeting the human face to face and skin to skin that you’ve carried within you for 9 months blew me away. The joining that we wait a lifetime for.

That’s the incredible thing about enduring labor no matter what path you take- on the other side is the greatest joy and a mind equipped to forget the pain.

Birth is birth- I’ve learned that. We are humans who have a choice and that’s what’s beautiful. No way is better over another when it comes to bringing a child into this world. Birth is a miracle. Our bodies are miracles. Our babies are miracles. It’s all a tough process that brings one of the greatest joys on the other side. One that is forever worth it. One that we won’t ever forget. And most importantly- one that changes us forever!

I pray through this that no one ever gives up on their miracles, dreams, and desires. So many times I fought to let go and fought to hang on to mine. I pray that you know and trust that you can do anything that you never thought you could. And most Importantly, that you know how good and perfect God’s timing truly is. Because it is so, so good!