The problem is, you think you have time….

In a deep conversation with my aunt a couple of months ago she asked the question: “Think about this, what if we as humans have made death a bad thing? What if we as humans have made cancer and disease to be a bad thing? But what if these very things are actually God bringing those home so that they don’t have to suffer in this broken world, so that they don’t have to fight the bad things anymore, so that they don’t have to hurt and be hurt. Yes, disease and cancer and overdoses and suicide are one of the worst things you will ever go through with a loved one, not to be minimized. Believe me, I know. It changes you and it’s a feeling that you will never forget. The pain that we endure watching it and the pain they endure going through it is unexplainable. The pain we all experience is horrific, but that pain is only temporary for the ones we lost compared to a healing that is forever. I spent years questioning why some of the best people suffer and leave this world too early without understanding. But ask yourself this… When you go to the garden, which flowers do you pick first? The most beautiful ones!

I just left dinner with one of the most precious souls that I know who lost the love of her life unexpectedly last week. And I just attended services for dear friends of mine who lost their loved one to suicide. As we all talked and cried discussing some of the deepest emotions and feelings of their hearts that have been ripped into shreds and the very emotions that come along with it, it left me pondering some very real questions to life. Ones that leave me with a knowledge of changes that I need to make within myself to what truly matters. My prayer is always for the people that I love to know how loved they truly are by me, but truthfully, I don’t show it enough. I get wrapped up in my own little world sometimes that some of the simplest assignments for the good of this world become more of a chore. And I want my actions and my heart to scream of what means the most to me and how truly blessed I am. I have meditated upon these questions for days with the knowledge that these people that God gave me to love here temporarily, he’s going to need back.

-What really is death to you?

-How are you loving those around you today, if it were the last time you ever spoke to them?

-Do those petty things really matter if you only had a limited amount of time left?

-Are you scared of death and what kind of legacy do you want to leave here on this earth?

-How much will you regret when the opportunity is gone? How many could have’s, should have’s and would have’s will you hold yourself to?

A strong life lesson two years ago and 26 years with no contact with my father, I almost lost my opportunity to offer forgiveness to a man I barely knew, but also to a man who deserved what I had yet to give him. To a man who gratefully brought me into this world. And because of my stubbornness and heart full of pain, I let my pride run me right into a place where I would have spent in regret for the rest of my life. I used to say I didn’t care. That he could die and it wouldn’t affect me. But when the time finally came where I had fully surrendered that pain and given that burden to a man who died to carry it, I was ready to finally face it, and was told he had passed away already. In that moment, I understood what it meant to lose someone to death and to also lose an opportunity that I would never get back. I didn’t handle it well. It was by the grace of God that his time here on earth was not yet done, and I was graced the privilege to free both him and I of a bondage that had clung to us for nearly 26 years too long.

Right now, in this season of our lives, we have a lot of close people in our lives who are dancing between life and death and one too many whose eternal decision has already been made. Not by choice and by choice, but none the less it is wrapped up with the loss of them here on this earth beside us. Watching one of my closest and most precious friends battle with a rare cancer, I had an epiphany as I struggled watching her fight with what seems like a cease in the battle. Loud and clear I heard: “She will be healed in one of two ways: earthly or ultimately and eternally in Heaven. Ultimately, I save her wholly and completely where the battle is won. Earthly, you get to keep her here with you, but the battles remain.” And just like that, I understood. I no longer feared death not only for myself, but for the people that I love. I had a grip too tight. One that I didn’t want to let go of simply because I loved them so much and couldn’t fathom life without them. Selfishly I want them here to do life with. But then I realized because I love them so much, that my grip had to be released in order to truly and completely love them the way he does.

People often say, “She lost the battle to cancer” or “he lost the battle to Alzheimer’s.” But in all reality the battle is already won. He won the battle of disease and pain where there is no more forevermore. He won the battle with cancer, and He won the battle with depression, and He won the battle with Addiction.” We serve a God with good intentions and in all truths and realities, the battle is already won!

When you are faced so closely with death, you learn to hug the people you love a little tighter. You learn to pick up that phone more often. You learn that the little things that used to upset us and bother us aren’t worth it anymore. You learn to let go and love. You learn that the words you say may be the last words you ever get to speak over that person. And most importantly you learn to love like you’ve never loved before, because it may be our last chance for that dance. It could be your last chance to let them know how loved and cherished they truly are. God will supply us with the opportunity but it’s up to us to do something about it.

What legacy do you want to leave? How do you want people to remember you? As we all know, we are never promised tomorrow much less the next 5 minutes. Talk to anyone who has had death come knocking on their door, and they will all tell you they never thought it would be them, until it is them. We get one chance at life and each and every second that crosses your path is an opportunity of a legacy that will live on for generations. So many people live for materialism and surface level things in relation to happiness. But I really think the simple people who spend their life in service, helping other people are the ones who truly have it all figured out. They love the way God does and isn’t that what life is truly about? So, ask yourself… What am I doing to make a difference in this world and to leave a legacy?

There is one guarantee in life, we are all dying. So, are you scared of death or are you ready?  In the big scheme of things, we are only guaranteed right now. Excuses will always be there, but those chances won’t. Be the one who loved too much, not the one who didn’t love enough. Be the one who spoke their heart, not the one who kept it all to themselves and left someone questioning how genuinely loved they really were.

We are never guaranteed that next goodbye kiss, or that next chance to tell someone how much we love them, but we are guaranteed the opportunity to do those things.  We are never guaranteed another opportunity to tell someone that we’ve forgiven them. What are you going to change today in order to love a little harder and forgive a little more often?

We let life fill our time with emptiness and such meaningless “things” and “false purpose.” Let your words speak loudly but let your actions speak louder. Send that simple text that takes a mere 5 seconds that could change someone’s entire day. Write that card that is far overdue. It takes $.99 and a stamp or a hand to pass it over. Take your daughter out on a date and let her know how loved and worthy she is.  Spend quality time with a son who is fighting the peer pressures of these generations right now and help him to realize how strong he is to overcome the ways of this world when he’s feeling weak. Reach out to a person who is hurting. Smile at a random person on the street who is scared to look at you out of the insecurities that they are battling with internally. Speak words and affirmations of strength into them. Don’t just look at somebody and think to yourself how pretty they look today, tell them that! When you have no money in the bank, pick wildflowers and leave them on the door step or in a vase for her to come home to. Bake dinner and leave it with the elderly woman who eats alone every night. Pick up the phone and tell the older gentleman who just lost his wife that you are thinking about him and that he isn’t alone. Text the friend fighting with cancer every single day, just so she knows that in this lonely battle, that she is never alone. Tell your husband how proud you are of him for leading your family and working so hard. Tell your wife what a wonderful job she is doing at keeping life running smoothly. Write that sticky note and leave it on the fridge for the love of your life to wake up to, it may be the last thing they have to hold onto for the rest of their lives, believe me, I just watched it happen and forever it will be cherished. We don’t know if we will be here tomorrow, nor do we know if the love of our life will be, or if we will ever get to talk to our moms and dads again. Be bold and surprise your loved ones, especially when they need it the most. Don’t just grace them with your prayers, grace them with your presence as well. Loving someone doesn’t require much effort or much money, it requires prioritizing your life to what matters the most before it’s too late.

For those of you who have endured that pain of loss, look around you, and there they will be. They are in the sun, the wind and the rain. They are in the air you breath and the songs you sing. You’ll hear their whispers in the quietest places. You’ll see that painted sunset and smile when you see their beauty. You’ll see them in the birds dancing and in the flowers, that just reappear after they are gone. Look for the sense of humor where there was one time, because it’s there that you can smile and know that you are never far away from everything that you will hold onto forever with them. And one day, you will be reunited again. Both healed and free.

You are always one decision away from a totally different life. What is yours going to look like?