You might not recognize her anymore. Things were different now, she was beginning to make sense of who she was becoming. Sure, it took some time to get here, and maybe she took a few ill advised turns. But the long way isn’t always the wrong way. Her route, her rules. Everything that made her beautiful, made her slightly terrifying. She would challenge you, sweet lipped, but with a look that was deliberate. A gaze with weight, that meant something. Some things can’t just be singular. And when they change, it’s because they have to. Not to fit in, or stand out, but to survive. You might not have a say in that, or even make sense of it. But she gets it. She understands that she really can be whoever she wants to be, so long as she stays herself. She felt for things, and people, and her dreams wholeheartedly. Some carry so much conviction, and life, that they’re never truly alone. You won’t take that from her. –J. Raymond

It’s been a while since the last time I’ve poured my heart out through writing. As I may confess from an all too chaotic world I’ve been living in. The last four months have been wrapped up with some of the most beautiful moments to life along side some moments where I just wanted to give up. There is an abundance of overflowing words so much so that I don’t even know where to begin, but my heart is yearning to pour it all out.  So here’s to discovering more of God’s most beautiful and untouched country, soul recognition and love, and conquering goals that I held against myself for far too many years. To paragraphs of life change and a better understanding of the being that I have become. To grasping on to soul chasing and holding on tightly through whatever changes may come my way all the while embracing the outcome. Here’s to the end of 2016 and a beautiful beginning to 2017. I have a feeling this is the beginning to something beautiful.

The fall held so much newness that my world seemed to spin with joy that I hadn’t felt in a long time. The smiles began to feel real again, and the sleep became sweeter with each night’s rest. I had explained my life as stagnant to so many, waiting patiently on what God had in store for me next. It took a lot of letting go and a whole heap of embracing change through the unknown.  I was living a chaotic schedule running myself ragged, but I had no complaints of anything negative tagging along within that.

It’s funny how unexpected things happen through divine appointments. You just never know what’s next or what one conversation can hold. As I sit here writing, many months later, I look back in awe at how quickly life can change in a blink of an eye. When two people seem to be living their own lives, dreaming up their own dreams, and wondering if happily ever after will ever find them and all at the same time swearing it off some tough days. And then it happens. One day, and your whole life changes in the blink of an eye. And then, there he was. When people would always tell me that “God has far bigger plans for you than you have for yourself”, it’s something I’ve always believed, but it all finally made sense. Life has never felt so sweet and life has never felt so right until now. For the first time in my life, I feel like I’m exactly where I am supposed to be. I am safe. And days when I want to run out of pure fear from my own past, he quiets those fears and puts them to rest. My soul recognizes home in him. Life had broken me, just as it had broken him. But when we met, it’s as if our pieces became whole. And we started our journey together, mended as one. I didn’t need another human being, but to be completely honest, having my wounds kissed by someone who doesn’t see them as disasters in my soul, but cracks to put his love into healing them is the most calming thing in this world. He is selfless, and he is love. He loves hard. I’ve never met someone with a heart like his. One of my pushes in life that I remind myself of daily is “Wherever you go, go with all of your heart,” and he is all of that wrapped up. He puts his heart into everyone and everything. On this quest that I have been on for life, I’ve always wanted someone who would run just as wildly by my side with the passion I have for this world and he, he is that. He makes me want to be a better person. He feels like Christmas morning and birthday wishes everyday single day. It’s crazy how quickly you start to live for another. Thanks to some special people in our lives for connecting us during a random encounter. They had no idea what it would do for us separately and together all at the same time. And then in that very moment- I started to believe that sometimes, right in the middle of an ordinary life, love still does truly give us fairytales.

The first trip since Thailand was an escape from reality into a withdrawn world of the unfamiliar. California had always been on my list. So we took off! With no hesitation and no regrets, I flew from Savannah to LA. We sailed out of Ventura to the Channel Islands and Catalina. It was absolutely breathtaking. The landscape is so untainted in this part of the country. The ocean holds a color of deep blue and the mountain ranges make for the most stunning backdrop. The sight of the sea lions waddling their way onto the ocean rocks is the most adorable scene that you could possibly experience. The sailboat forced me to calm my sails for a while (No pun intended)! At night, as the boat rocked back and forth, you could hear the waves crash onto the cave walls. It was a peaceful lullaby from given from nature to fall fast asleep to.  We saw some of the most unforgettable and magical sights that reminded me that was wrapped tightly with God’s smile. We got into multiple pods of hundreds of dolphins that rode the bow of the boat. They jumped and they danced in the California waters. It was one of the most magical moments of my life. And the bioluminescent lights that I love so dearly from Belize? Yep, we got to see them behind the sails of the California nights too. What a sweet surprise! We walked islands and saw one of the rare foxes that cohabitate the island the first two minutes of stepping foot onto the ground. We got to wake up and watch the sun rise together and we got to sit quietly in the bean bag on the front of the boat and watch the sun go down on the very same day, everyday. We picked seashells and stones that now sit in the house as a prized reminder from places never to be forgotten. There was no service to the outside world or school work to worry about. It was a halt, and it made me realize how much I had been undergoing through finishing my full time degree all the while working admittingly far more than 40 hour weeks. I realized at this point that fight or flight was how I was sustaining at this point. I was able to see life for what it was in the quiet moments. We laughed and we cried together, for the very first time, at how beautiful life was and where we found ourselves in that very moment. I thank God for that trip and what it did for our souls. For realizing what we had, and where we wanted life to go from that point on. California was a sweet-sweet place for our souls, like a new found freedom that has yet to leave us.

Channel Islands

From California, we flew to South Dakota. Another check of the bucket list. I never dreamed I would fall in love with the lands of South Dakota. The unexpected moments that I received there left me speechless. One of John’s friends nailed it on the head when they said that I would love South Dakota, because that I did. Head over heels in love. We drove through the Badlands en route to the farm. That in itself was mind-blowing. You go from driving the flat countryside to driving through lands of geological deposits containing one of richest fossil beds in the world. I got to see prairie dogs and big horned sheep for the very first time. He smiled as my face lit up like a child on Christmas morning. Where we stay is a town with a population of a little under 500. It’s what I consider pure Americana. This too held a special place for a slow down. I felt simplicity for the first time in a long time. I’ve always said, if I could have one wish, I’ve always wanted to live a week in each era. Through this trip, I felt as if I got to live out that dream for a short period of time. I met some of the truest people, walked milo fields for miles (tight hinny walksJ), lived in a true farmhouse, fed a baby cow, and best of all we got to experience some of the most beautiful sunsets and sunrises that my eyes have ever seen in my years. We started our day watching the sunrise and ended our day watching it fall behind the South Dakota horizon. I never knew South Dakota had such magical skies. I found myself not wanting to leave that sleepy little town. We kept putting it off and taking our time on pulling out of that old driveway heading out on that 24-hour drive home. And for these memories, I am forever grateful. Can’t wait to see you again next year South Dakota!

That 24-hour drive home did something for my soul. A lot of time to think through many states and settings. Side by side, chasing the country side. Deep thinking was something that came far and few between these days with a mind that had been running on a wavelength of school and work for far too long. It was like having so many puzzle pieces and finally getting to piece them together to get the whole picture. It felt good and it felt right. I got to reminisce on life and remember how beautiful it was. I got to stop and take everything in that I had gratefully endured that two weeks prior. I got to see my first eagle in the sky. They are there, they’ve always been there, but I finally had time to look up and see it. It’s funny how much is right in front of you, but until you take the time to look, you will never see these beautiful sights. At one-point, John called my name from the driver’s seat, and I looked over with tears rolling down my face as I had stared out over the Tennessee River. He thought something was wrong, but in my head, for the first time in a while, everything was right in my world. The greatest reward and luxury of travel is to be able to experience everyday things as if for the first time. To be in a position in which almost nothing is so familiar it is taken for granted. I thank God for slow downs and for new experiences with someone so special beyond expressible words.

Fast forward through one of the happiest holiday seasons in years, through flu and sickness from a run down immune system, visiting friends and family, and into 2017. As I sit here pouring out my heart, I am now celebrating my last year in my 20’s and am officially a college graduate. I did it!!! It wasn’t easy as a working adult, but goodness was it every bit of worth it. Not finishing my degree with a full scholarship has always haunted me. I believe that everything happens for a reason and that we each have our own destiny. I just chose a different path for my life. I enjoyed my education this time, it’s something that no one can ever take from me. My life has been wrapped up with school and work for the past few years, but I discovered that it is NEVER too late to chase dreams and to pursue something that you love. You can do anything you put your mind to. We all have different goals and dreams in life, and finishing my bachelor’s degree and starting and finishing my masters is one of many of my goals. When I first started back as a full time student while already working too much, I questioned my sanity. Now two years later, I can say it was fully worth giving up things in moderation to chase dreams. (And I still got to see the world while doing it!) So if you have any dreams you want to chase, but are scared to, do it- Chase those dreams! Fear is a good thing. Sometimes, it’s the very things we are supposed to be doing that scare us the most. So start with a dream, and chase it with your full heart. One thing at a time or all things at a time. Just go with your whole heart.

Travel was a must for celebrations. This was a much deserved week to celebrate degrees and birthdays. To remember how to be a normal human being and to re-learn how to slow down. Truthfully, I’ve been afraid of the life changes with school being done because work and school are all that I’ve known for the past couple of years. I didn’t know if I could remember how to slow down. I’m a busy body naturally and I’ve run on fight or flight for far too long for a normal human body. But it’s a goal and it’s a quest and anything can be relearned!  We went to one of my favorite towns in the whole world in Costa Rica. This place has held such a special place in my heart alongside the many countries and places that I have travelled. But this one has always been extra extraordinary for some reason.  I have saved my return for a special occasion and this was it and what a beautiful return with a sweet slow down with no end in sight it was. We had a house on the edge of the mountain overlooking the Pacific Ocean. As I sit at home writing, I think I am still trying to catch my breath from the views. The weather was perfect, around 89 and pure sun all week. We spent it exploring and discovering all that Costa Rica had to offer. We hung high in our hammocks over the ocean waves and when we wanted a sweet interruption, we walked to the oceans edge and waded in the tide pools of the Pacific. We got to experience the fullest moon all week overlooking and lighting up the night skies. I’d wake up in the wee hours of the morning and see the moon disappearing over the oceans horizon.  The 4:25 porch sitting watching the moon light up the oceans edge was absolutely unforgettable. I just wish the pictures did it justice, but it’s a memory forever embedded never to be forgotten. Memory millionaire is my ultimate destination, remember?! We got to watch the sunrise from the ocean as we fished for our dinner. We went back and made fresh ceviche right off of the docks. We loved on dogs and cats all week as if they were our own. We talked about life and we laughed and we cried. The week took an unexpected turn for the worst with me and kidney stones battling head to head. And it’s funny, because I couldn’t even begin to describe the pain of these horrid things and how scary it is being in a foreign country in this kind of pain with unknown causes. But with the disappointment in the halt of experiences and events, we also got to experience some pretty amazing things as well. We got the sweetest doctor known to man who took care of me for days as I laid there with tears rolling down my face. The granola girl who refuses to take any medicine walked in begging for relief. We laugh because the first day she handed John syringes and pain medicine in vials to bring back up the mountain to give to me, needless to say we spent the next three days with her. 11 shots in my rear offered a little relief, at least enough to sleep the days away and awake to a beautiful ocean in front of me. As I sit here reminiscing on this past week, I’ve always told myself that if we won’t give ourselves a slow down, sometimes we will be forced one. I think this was my forced slow down. The last three days were spent in a hammock outside overlooking the Pacific Ocean taking it all in within the moments. We were forced to live simply which is something that the two of us crave in an all too chaotic world sometimes. We crave the simplicity of quiet foreign towns. It’s been found as a common ground that comes with the easiness and meekness of countries so unassuming and calm. And as John reminded me many days when the pain seemed too much to bear- but what a special place to be in this much pain. And most of all I am thankful for him. He never ceased to amaze me at the care that he took with me, just like always. No matter how big or small. We were both scared. I can handle pain and I consider myself tough majority of days, but I didn’t do well with that although I tried. I didn’t want to complain, but the tears rolling down my face didn’t seem to hide it too well. It just became a different kind of celebration! We have promised for a do over in the near future, without hospitals in the picture. This time we will walk in with smiles to see our doctor friend and friends that we made along the way during our stay in town.

And P.S. My brother is married!!! And I gained the best sister-in-law in the whole wide world!!!

As I sit at home now with flashbacks of this week still sitting so vividly in my mind- I still am enduring the feelings of what I experience after every season of travel. The bug bites, and I want more. As I have written before, travel isn’t always easy. It leaves you with questions and seems to send you on a self interrogation of life and where it sits at that moment in time. The easiness and simplicity that seem so far here in our country are what my soul craves in other places. The people and the quest for newness and discovery to lands, people, and feelings yet known. So for now, I will continue on this pursuit for work, play, and travels. I will continue to live within the sweetest life possible, because in this very moment (minus the kidney stones) I don’t know how life could possibly get any sweeter than it already is. So for many of you who ask what my plans are next… I’d like to thank Oscar Wilde for that answer. As he says “All things in moderation, including moderation.” Cheers to traveling and living life to the fullest.