“I know you’re scared, but it’s not of me. You’re afraid of the realness. Fearful for the first time in your life of something you can’t walk away from, and that scares the hell out of you.” –JMStorm

Fear, throughout many different forms has seemed to infiltrate my life here lately. I have felt it deep into my soul and I have seen it written all over the hearts of some very close to me. There has been a tug and pull of fighting the old and embracing the new. A quest for understanding not only the fear within myself, but a pursuit to sympathize with the fear of the hearts of another. Since I was a little girl, fear was a word that I let often times control my life. I had a fear of disappointing the people I cared most about, a fear of failure, a fear of inanimate objects such as things that slither, a fear of the unknown, fear of abandonment, and the list could go on. I was a little girl who lived without a voice to make sure that everything and everyone was ok. We all have fears, fears that terrify us and hold us back from life. Some fears come from our childhood, and some fears are created through past mistakes in fear of recreating them over again. It’s not always the future that we are afraid of, It’s repeating the past that scares us. As life went on, I slowly found this little voice inside of me, and I grew stronger in my faith and I found this settled assurance that whatever was supposed to happen would happen no matter if I feared it or not. And then I realized that to be more alive I had to be less afraid, so I did it. I lost my fear and gained my whole life. I learned that what is supposed to happen is going to happen weather we live on fear or not. And if we choose fear, then we have to pay for the chances that we didn’t take that we wish we would have. Sometimes in life we get one shot. One opportunity, and one person like no other, and it’s up to us if we choose to let fear rip us from these very things that could change our lives and make us wonder for the rest of our days, what would have been? Or we choose to take that one chance, that one shot and see what life and God decides to make of it.

In life I believe that we have two choices: to believe the lies that fear ever so often whispers into our ears and heart or to defy the lies and embrace life for what blessings lie ahead. Life is a collection of beautiful uncertainty. And we are faced with decisions every second of the day as to if we will allow fear to lead or if we will allow trust to take over. If we choose fear in some of life’s decisions that are small and inconsequential to the larger picture of life, it may not effect us. But may I warn you, that if we let fear lead and drive our very actions and emotions when it comes to our biggest hopes, dreams, relationships, and ambitions, you may loose that once in a lifetime chance. And the regret of the unknown will forever haunt a decision made out of fear. Fear is only temporary, regret lasts forever.

I’ve found in my almost 29 years here on earth throughout experiences that have ripped me wide open with tear stained pillows, memories that never cease to bring a smile to my face, and lessons that are unforgettable to the inner being of myself to never let fear win. I still struggle daily with this inner battle of life. I have learned when I hesitate, I must ask myself one question “Are you scared of this?” And then I learned to not be afraid of my fears. They aren’t there to scare me; they are simply there to let me know that something is worth it. As tough as I’d like to claim, I’ve learned that 99% of the time I am scared to death. I’m scared to give it all just to have it taken away. I’m scared to have my heart broken. I’m scared of failure, and I am scared of the repetition of the past all the way through the last 28 years of my life. I learned that for me to escape fear, I had to go through it and not around it. I learned that if I didn’t escape the fear, I lost out on a lot more than I gained from remaining in my comfort zone. Fear is a real thing and if you allow it to take over, it will flood your life before you even begin to realize. Fear is of the devil- where he comes to steal, kill, and destroy any good thing from above (John 10:10). Growing up, I was often a scared little child, especially at night. My grandmother and matriarch to our family always used to tell me and tells me to this day that when I feel scared or fearful to speak out loud and tell the devil to flee because fear doesn’t come from the Lord. I always thought it was weird until I came into my own faith and understood the reasoning why: the devil is as of man and can only hear when we speak, he is not omnipresent and omnipotent as God is. To this day, it still never ceases to amaze me when I speak those simple words of distinction, the goosebumps that run down my spine with peace the minute he leaves me alone. I refuse to let him take joy from me. I want to be a woman who overcomes obstacles by tackling them in faith instead of tiptoeing around them in fear.

In a study I did recently, I discovered that doctors estimate that around 80% of who we become is solely based upon our upbringing throughout childhood and adolescence. As I have dug deeper throughout my quest in life, I realized that the majority of the fears that have confronted me derive from childhood experiences. Life is tough. We face situations that we didn’t ask for and situations that we have no control over and yes, it sucks. We didn’t ask for a parent to walk out on us when we were 4, or to tragically loose a parent at a young age and have to grow up missing them, or for a dad to make terrible choices as a husband and father, or to make poor decisions with a naïve mind that we chose growing up. But what we can help is who we become and how we defy the past circumstances of life where we want a redo. What life means to us and what we choose to chase. What we can look at is who we want to be and who we choose to have in our lives that helps to add prosperity to our days. The hardships in life meditate fear, out of fear of repeating the pain and failing the future. I have discovered that I have fallen in love with my pain, not the feeling itself but the woman that it molded me into. You know I have never met a strong person with an easy past. God gives us chances and redo’s. I believe that he has a soft spot for those of us who have endured heart wrenching circumstances that we didn’t ask for. For those little children of the world, that he keeps wrapped ever so tightly. Those children who don’t understand in the moment with tear filled eyes. He promises to bury deep those holes with relationships and blessings in what lies ahead. One thing I can say for sure is that God has had me wrapped tightly in his arms my whole life, even in the moments where I tried to flee he never let me go. God has romanced me throughout my life with relationships, things, and experiences that made his presence known in the deepest places of my soul. To the point where I can honestly look back and say ‘thank you for these craters in my heart, for without these, I couldn’t experience these awe-inspiring moments.’ The hardest step I ever took was to blindly trust in who I was and exactly who God made me to be. To chase what my heart was screaming despite the fear of the unknown and the hurt of the past. I decided a few years ago to chase after my hopes, fears, dreams, ambitions, and most of all heart- carefully and freely not letting fear blur my vision. I want my hopes to purely drown out the fears that try to creep in ever so frequently. I learned through tough circumstances to never be afraid to put It all on the line. No matter the outcome, I will chase the assurance that I gave it everything I had, and that my friend has always been worth it. I’ve realized that I have always gained so much more from throwing it all in than from holding it all back half heartedly.

And If you must dwell in the darkness, do so only long enough to lead you into the light of the life that you have dreamt of since looking through the eyes of the innocent child that you once were. I still envision myself sometimes- a chubby cheeked little girl with big Cherokee eyes dreaming of the life that I wanted for myself all those years ago, and the funny thing is- I’m still dreaming through those Cherokee eyes with an endearing pursuit for life. Sometimes the fear won’t go away, and you just have to do it afraid. Better afraid than not at all. And most of all, don’t wait, tomorrow is never promised and there is no such thing as the perfect time.

I charge you to be all of you, all of the glorious you- whoever you may be and be nothing less. Because you friend, are wonderfully made. Know that and remember that. You are the master of your fate. Escape the cage and captivity that experiences have allowed to flood into your life and let your wings soar. Love deeper than any place pain has ever reached and whatever you do, go with your whole heart and love with your whole being. An older couple married 65 years was once asked “how have you survived this long?” And with a sweet and simple answer they said “never be afraid to love the most.” I urge you to never trust your fears, simply because they don’t know your strength. Great things never came from comfort zones you know. Scared of love? Take that chance. Scared to take the next step? Leap into it with full confidence for the best outcome. Feeling frightened about what comes next? Don’t be. Embrace the uncertainty. Allow it to lead you to the highest and lowest places you’ve ever experienced. Allow it to break you of fear and to overcome the very most things that terrify you. Allow it to grow you. Be brave as it challenges you to exercise both your heart and your mind as you pave your own path towards happiness. Spin wildly into the unknown of all that lies before you. Enjoy the moments and don’t fear the future because you will never get another one quite like this one. Take chances. Open your heart and spill it wide open. And if you ever look up and find yourself lost, simply take a breath, start over and build with the treasure chest of life lessons already stowed within. Retrace your steps and walk back to the purest place in your heart, where your hope lives. I promise you will find your way again, but even sweeter than ever before.

-Chelsea Spradlin