Wanderlust consumed her; foreign hearts and exotic minds compelled her. She had a gypsy soul and a vibrant hope for the unknown.
As I sit here writing underneath the stars on this still Denver night, my heart feels whole yet again. To explain the adoration for my setting in this current moment, I sit here on the porch of my carriage house, fireworks still sounding throughout the streets, curled up tightly in a chair on my porch, damp hair and Pj’s, a glass of Pinot Noir nestled closely to me, the Colorado summer night air that comes chilly to this Carolina girl, and all encapsulated with a mind of a million different thoughts running wildly through this passionate heart and soul of mine. My sense of being and contentment never seems to fail me the second I step off of the plane and onto this precious Colorado soil. It’s as if my heart reunites with my soul with one swift breath of air. I’ve spent my days pondering this life and have spent my nights in a restless sense of soul searching while the rest of the world is fast asleep. I’m trying to make sense out of the hundreds of emotions all running so quickly throughout my head, my heart, and my soul. This is a typical feeling that I experience every time I’m here but even more so this time. I planned this trip a couple of months ago with a known vulnerability and possibility of many different feelings, emotions, and experiences at the thoughtful pondering of my future. The thoughts and dreams of moving out here has been tugging on my heart strings for far too long and has taken my mind captive, to an undeniable point. My heart is one thing that has never failed me, screamed this loud, or ever been wrong. It’s a funny thing trying to ponder through what your heart is screaming and when your head is whispering. Sometimes I believe that people are afraid of what sets their soul on fire. They would rather deny it and stay safe than taking a chance to a realm of endless possibilities. Some are afraid to pursue it in fear of failure. But how do you truly know if you don’t allow yourself to be vulnerable? You won’t ever know the potential and you will always wonder what if. Sometimes it takes running from that one shot, and you could miss out on something that would have changed your life forever, all from the fear within you. Fear will have you throwing away a lifetime of blessings. I’d rather take brave chances than to miss opportunities that could change my life forever. There is no worse feeling than regret and nothing is ever coincidence. I travel the world, but no where else has ever made me feel this restored. With that said, I do not believe I fell so head over heels for this place just by chance. Mama always told me, “I always thought you’d be the girl to get out of here!” Well mama, your little girl is about to spread her wings! Don’t be afraid of your fears, they’re not there to scare you. They’re there to let you know that something is worth it.
Anthony Bourdain once said “Travel isn’t always pretty. It isn’t always comfortable. Sometimes it hurts, it even breaks your heart. But that’s ok. The journey changes you; it should change you. It leaves marks on your memory, on your consciousness, on your heart, and on your body. You take something with you. Hopefully you leave something good behind too.” I couldn’t have said this better myself. Every time I come back to Colorado, it’s one of those feelings that “hurts so good” as I like to call it. It’s the yearn to be on this sweet Colorado land, but the knowledge of having to go back home. It’s the sadness of leaving the people here who hold a special place in my heart. It’s the fear of the unknown and the unfamiliar. It’s driving away and leaving everything I have ever known and built in the rear view mirror. It’s the anxiety of being so far from my family and friends who I love so dearly, and the fear of sitting in a place where I’m all alone in the beginning. But it’s also the invigorating part of exploring the indefinite, the anticipation of new meetings and divine appointments, the activities that I would do on a weekly basis, and simply diving deeper into this passionate soul of mine. Moving to Savannah was the best thing I ever did. To have started at zero and have fully made it into my home, I expect Colorado would be nothing less.
Highlights to my Trip:
Cranehollow Ranch
This places never ceases to amaze me. As I sat staring out into the vastness of the Colorado land, I find myself more and more speechless with each encounter of this marvelous beauty. With the precious sound of laughter, rope swinging into the tree tops, crisp Colorado night air, and the crackling of the embers in the fire, there isn’t a feeling I could describe well enough to make one comprehend the pull on my heart strings in that very moment. The pictures don’t do it justice nor does the explanation of words. It’s a feeling never to be fully illustrated to the human mind until experienced. I thank God for these little moments where through life’s experiences and events, he reminds me that he is always there holding me tight. He knows just how to speak to this heart of mine when I need it most.
Red Rocks Amiptheater
Someday when I look back on my life, this is going to be considered one of those nights. Never in my life have a I felt such sparks in my soul. Sitting at the top of Red Rocks Ampitheater surrounded with the people that I love, live music flooding the air, a drizzling open sky, and thousands of fireworks that could be seen all over the city made for one unforgettable night. I found myself sitting in silence with the music and laughter floating around me trying to take it all in, and in that very moment I couldn’t help but smile. Sometimes, as we all know my mind runs on a multifaceted wavelength of all things real and true. And seeing the thousands of fireworks all over the Colorado sky had me pondering life and the different stories of where all of these fireworks began. It was a celebration, together, all over the city. And it absolutely lit up my world.
Horsetooth Rock
“In the fields, she stopped and took a deep breath of the flower-scented air. It was dearer to her than her kin, better than a lover, wiser than a book. And for a moment she rediscovered the purpose of her life. She was here on earth to absorb its wild enchantment.” –Boris Pasternak.
This week was full of self challenges and self discovery in a place where I understand myself most. As I rounded the mountain and began the climb up to Horsetooth Rock, I assumed that it would be an “easy” hike. I’ve NEVER been a quitter, but nearing the top everything in me wanted to turn around so badly. The stubbornness and fight within me kept me going strong. I reached the top to a rude awakening of altitude change, dizziness, shaking, and a difficulty to finding my breath, but I did it! What the top held for my eyes and heart is absolutely incommunicable through words in any form or way. I felt as if I was on top of the world. I sat there in a complete sense of awe. Never in my life have I seen something so picturesquely stunning. In awe at what laid before my eyes, still speechless without words to utter. It wasn’t the mountain that I conquered that day, it was myself. It was just me, God, and the whispers of nature for quite a few hours. One of my favorite quotes says “the best views come after the hardest climb.” All the way up I pondered on this within the realm of life. Life isn’t always easy. Things aren’t just handed to us and if we don’t pursue what we want the very most and work hard for it and at it, we will never experience the potential that lies ahead of us. Working hard and taking chances is what makes life worth while. From experience, I have discovered that the views at the end of the climbs of life have always been worth it. It may hurt getting through it, but once you reach the top, it will change you forever more. And all at once, the climb will make sense.
The Mountainside of Vail
If you climb into the saddle, be ready for the ride.
Never could I have fathomed what this ride would do for my soul. Being on a horse has always been a special place for me, more a less a simple freedom that happens when I let go. Winston Churchill once said “Being on the back of a horse has always been good for the inside of a man.” Sometimes I forget how powerful yet gentle this beautiful creature is. They have the power of a raging bull, but that gleaming gentleness in their eyes depicts the true power of this creature. I think this is why I’ve always related to horses in this sense. I have an insane strength within me, but my gentleness is what radiates through my eyes and my heart. It’s never been for the faint of heart. I buck from the sincerest and most passionate places, but my heart longs for constant peace. I had to remind myself throughout the ride as we rode straight up the cliffs on the mountain side and straight down through the Aspen forests that all bonds are built on trust. I had to learn to trust my sweet Cash and let her take full power of where she wanted to lead. A constant reminder to let God always lead, that he always has a better path for me than I have for myself. It was the gentle whisper between her ears on the mountainside to let go and let God. To go with the flow. There were turns that Cash wasn’t supposed to take and moments where she chose her own path and pace. These moments allowed for me to take in all of the beauty that surrounded me in those very moments when the “ride” didn’t go as planned. I let go. I’m learning to trust the journey even when I don’t understand it, and letting go is the best place to start. The wind whispered sweet little phrases of life that day. It’s funny, when you get off the grid and allow yourself to listen, what comes rushing so sweetly into your head and your heart. It’s another day where all I can do is look up and around and say thank you with a grateful heart.
The best part about airports lies in what they symbolize. Airports are places of bookends: new beginnings and long-awaited endings, arrivals and departures, hellos and goodbyes. We start in once city to end in another hundreds or thousand miles away. You enter from a desert and exit into a blizzard. In from winter, out into summer. In from familiarity, out into something completely foreign. Or vice versa. An airport is a place of transit, and not just geographically. I wish there was some sort of time-lapse to show how people change between departures and arrivals. When I arrive back home from being away, I’m never the same person as when I left. I never knew this side of me until 4 years ago, I’ve never felt this way. As I sit here waiting to board this plane back to the south, I cannot seem to muster enough strength to fight back the tears that are flowing freely. Departing a place where my heart will always be never comes easy to me. This week was full of great adventure, intense soul searching, heart-wrenching moments, unmet and met expectations, life lessons, views to never be forgotten, newfound courage in the unknown, and memories that will last a lifetime. I haven’t discovered why it has always been so hard to leave. I travel the world, and never do I cry when I depart a destination, just my Colorado. I came for answers and I got them. God answered prayers and revealed himself in more ways than my writing could ever fully depict. I have a big heart and am passionate about the very things that set my soul on fire which confines a lot of my life, some more so than others. And every single time, this place has always revealed a passion stronger than what I knew this heart of mine was capable of. Last night, during the uninterrupted moments in my little haven underneath the Colorado sky, reality hit. The questions flooded my mind and the feelings overwhelmed me. I’m terrified to jump and give up the entire life that I have worked so hard to build. I overthink things, and turn them over a thousand times in my mind. I play out possible scenarios, but when it comes down to it you have to always follow your heart and move forward with what it whispers so passionately. Maybe things will turn out and maybe they wont, but every decision will always be wrapped up with good and some bad, lifelong lessons, and a closer seat to becoming a memory millionaire. Thinking back on my move to Savannah, the difficult and lonely moments were the positions that propelled me. These were the times that sculpted me and the moments that are thought back to be the most extraordinary. God’s strength and the fight within me has always allowed me to conquer the very things that set my heart to fear. The only thing that’s for sure is that indecision steals many years from many people who wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap and to take that chance. And I don’t ever want that to be me. God has never failed me and I know without a shadow of a doubt, he has put this deep burning desire in my heart for a reason. Where he leads, I will follow.
Faith For Miracles 